


Black to Gold

by egosoffire



Series: Red to Blue to Black to Gold [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26942815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egosoffire/pseuds/egosoffire
Summary: The third in the series. Loki and Tony cope with panic attacks and become closer.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Red to Blue to Black to Gold [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911628
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	Black to Gold

Holding Loki during a panic attack was a strange way of looking in on his own. Tony had been in the same curled up, hyperventilating position several times in his life. It felt different from this perspective, holding someone he loved tight and helping him ride through the waves of anxiety.

Yes, someone he loved. It wasn’t like he was planning their wedding or anything, and he wasn’t sure if he loved the guy “that” way, but he wasn’t afraid of his emotions anymore and he wasn’t afraid to admit that there were feelings developing between he and Loki. Deep feelings, ones that were real and affected him in a deeply emotional manner.

So, love. No details yet, but love.

Loki didn’t speak for a long time. Tony wasn’t even sure how long the silence went, but it seemed to extend far beyond them. There were no words from Loki, and nothing that Tony could say or do either. So the silence lingered in the air, long and desperate, terrifying in many ways.

Loki spoke first, after the longest time, and it was hard for Tony to decipher his words at first.

“What is it, darling?” 

“I’m broken.”

Loki’s words were cold, and he shuddered as he spoke them. 

“That’s not…”

“Yes, it is!” Loki cut him off. “Hela reached into my brain and wrapped her fingers around my soul, Tony. She destroyed a part of me and I don’t know if I can ever fix what’s broken. You can’t possibly understand…”

“You think I don’t know what it feels like?” Tony asked, not at all offended by the words. “Loki, I’ve been broken inside and out before, and somehow, you always heal, even if it’s with a little bit of scarring. Broken things rebuild stronger and better than ever.”

Loki looked over to Tony and it seemed, at least for a moment, that he believed what Tony was saying. He let out a soft sigh and then closed his eyes. "I hate what she's done to me," he admitted. "These feelings that make my chest tighten up and breathing get so hard. I'm not sure what to do with myself.“

"I understand what you're feeling," Tony told him. "Have you heard of panic attacks?“

Loki laughed a little at that.

"Do I look like some sort of child?" he asked, his words slightly amused. "I mean, come on Anthony... I am thousands of years old."

Tony blushed a little at that. He supposed it was true that it must sound kind of stupid, his talking like Loki had no idea what he was talking about.Tony blushed a little at that. 

"Sorry," he said. "It's not like I spend a lot of my time talking with people who are a thousand years old." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I've had them on and off my whole life. They got really severe after..." He paused as things became a little bit awkward.

"After me?" Loki said with a wry grin, sensing what Tony had been about to say.

"Yeah, anyway, that was sort of my introduction into the wacky superhero life that I got myself into, you know?"

Tony chuckled at those words and reached over and touched Loki, stroking a gentle hand down his arm.Tony chuckled at those words and reached over and touched Loki, stroking a gentle hand down his arm. 

"There are ways to cope with them," he said after a moment. "Ways that you can use to bring yourself back down to earth and find solid ground." 

Loki smiled thoughtfully at that. "Solid ground sounds pretty nice..."

"The first one my friend Rhodey taught me..."

They sat like that for a little while, Tony just gently teaching Loki some strategies that worked to get him in the right place. Loki, to his surprise, listened very carefully, hanging onto every single word that he spoke. He smiled at Tony, a soft, wistful smile.

"That helps a lot," Loki said after a moment of silence lingered between them. "Really...I feel pretty good right now.

The words were surprising to Tony, who, of course, had wanted to help, but hadn’t been sure how his assistance would affect Loki. 

Loki smiled and then looked into his eyes. Next thing he knew, they were kissing. Kissing was like that for them - intense, fast, without much warning. Loki tasted wonderfully, as always and he blushed. 

“I like you,” he said with a smirk.

“I like you too, Tony.” Loki scooted close and leaned against his shoulder. 

Everything, in that moment, felt golden.


End file.
